Excited about reclaiming some much needed space in our house, I recently began a clear out and started to get rid of all the baby clothes, stored away in boxes, just in case. I had finally made up my mind, I'm not having any more babies. My partner was sure long ago and it would be hard to convince him of a third child anyway. At first, it felt like relief to have made this decision. Half way through, I started to have regrets. All the memories of my children as tiny little babies felt so precious and I found it hard to accept that I'm never going to experience that phase again. I love taking care of babies! I began crying and closed the door to the room, with the mess of clothes and baby paraphernalia all over the floor. I asked my partner to remind me it’s not too late, even if we have given away lots of the essential baby items. He told me it is not too late.
The door to the room with the mess is still closed and I will deal with it when I feel less emotional. I never thought this decision would be so hard, especially not since I already have two children! But, I can sense how I’m moving on as they get older and I feel less and less interested in going back to the baby lifestyle. I also know that I probably only want another baby and not actually another child, because in many ways I find it is harder having older children.
There are so many reasons for wanting to stay a family of four. We have family abroad and I worry we would not be able to go and see them much if we had another child. We would be much more stretched financially and struggle with logistics of everyday life as we have no close family here who are able to help. I also know I would never regret having another baby. For now I’m trying to plan fund things we might not be able to do if we were having another baby.
Is anyone else struggling with the decisions to not have or not to have another child?
That sounds like a hard place to sit in. I like to believe we all feel at peace when we know our families are complete. To me, this read as someone who isn’t at peace with being done having babies.
It’s okay to want three children, or four, or five, or six. I often look at my third child, who was conceived when I was only six month postpartum and realize how easily he could not be hear. When most of life had passed us by, I don’t believe we’ll ever regret having another baby. I wish women could feel open being honest about the number of babies we desire during dating. If that’s two, great, but I know so many who want a third or a fourth and it’s their husband who says no. We live in a very anti child culture. And in liberal, white spaces having more than two children is frowned upon. It’s all just too bad.
It’s so hard - I always thought after 2 babas it would somehow feel easier to let go but the tug for another is still as strong as ever. I agree that it’s more the longing for that newborn/first year stage than anything else - it’s such a special, sweet time (even tho it’s intensely hard in parts) gah motherhood is such a paradox 😅